HAPPY FATHER'S DAY...YOU BUNCH OF MOTHER %@#&!!!!!

A mechanical problem with a freight car is the likeliest cause of a derailment Sunday that forced the evacuation of seven families on the mainland, says a spokesman for the railway......that rules out fairy dust that was previously suspected.

The Canadian navy is promising to take every possible precaution for wildlife during an international training exercise off the Nova Scotia coast later in June........I think they are lieing.....one destroyer was being loaded with "Shake and Bake for Whale".

A dozen out-of-control prisoners left a Nova Scotia jail in Dartmouth with smashed windows, broken sprinklers and damaged recreation equipment.......they were watching the World Cup.....the vuvuzelas got to them.

The shortage of medical isotopes led to a 22 per cent decrease in cardiac, bone and lung diagnostic tests, a new report shows.......because of Chalk River being shut down.......the Feds ruled out building a new reactor saying the 1 billion was too high......G8/G20 cost 1 billion......which would you have prefered?

Federal Fisheries Minister Gail Shea says Canada has the ability to respond to an oil spill after watching a Canadian Coast Guard exercise performing a mock disaster response on New Brunswick's Miramichi River......not so sure.....here are a couple of quotes from her......"I think it's something Canada could handle,"...."I guess the first order of business is to ensure that it doesn't happen here, and that we have the capacity to respond.".......think and guess?.....I guess I think we are in trouble.
 
Have a good weekend and/or Father's Day....e-mail me ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca and I'm on Facebook and Twitter.

TIME IS NOT ON OUR SIDE....SO THERE JAGGER!!!

More Canadians are feeling caught in a time crunch, struggling to meet the competing demands of work and family, according to a new report.....there is more but I didn't have time to read it.

Montreal-based Quebecor announced plans for Sun TV News, a new Canadian all-news TV network, in Toronto Tuesday.......The network is believed to be modelled after the commercially successful right-wing U.S. network Fox News Channel......I hope so....more material for comedians.

A 22-year-old Victoria woman claims she was misled by a man from India who, she says, married her to get into Canada and dropped her after he obtained his visa.......she say's....."His family thinks Canadian people are stupid"…...just the politicians dear.

Canadian Institute for Health Information released a report stating those who live in poor neighbourhoods were twice as likely to be hit by a car than those in the most affluent areas......I wonder if that has to do with the fact that they have to walk because they can't afford a car?

The author of a popular children's book about a character named "Sir Fartsalot" had a reading at an Ottawa public school cut short on Thursday over language the principal found objectionable......he was concerned about a character in the new book called "Mrs. Imavitch, which rhymes with a derogatory word.......sounds like the principal is a "nickhead"

Robert Pattinson, of Twilight fame said in an interview “I guess I just thought if too many good things happen, then you’re going to die at 30,”......don't worry crying teenage girls.....hopefully just his career will be dead by 30.

The $10-million complex on the CBU Campus opened yesterday.... includes a 57,780-square-foot air supported dome, a full size soccer turf field, an all-weather eight-lane track, beach volleyball courts and a community fitness centre......officials are calling it the battle against obesity and inactive people in Cape Breton.....psssst, I know where we can hide!
 
Thanks for reading, drop me a line at ben.burnett33@eastlink.ca and I'm on Facebook and Twitter.

HOLY COW...SORRY HARRY, HAWKS NOT THE CUBS

Comedian Joan Rivers turned 76 years old this week....Joan is still smiling, of course due to all the surgery, she has no choice.

Over the last two years, prison guards have seized 129 cellphones from 52 facilities coast-to-coast, according to Corrections Canada......You can get upwards of $2,000, $2,500 for a smuggled cellphone......so if your looking for work and have a suitable body cavity.....

Many prison officials believe the true numbers of phones stashed inside correctional facilities to be in the thousands........Industry Canada does not currently allow "jamming" devices at prisons......that's not what I heard.

A recently published study found that the number of snakes in the world is plummeting......good news for high school grads entering law school

The UN Security Council imposed a new round of sanctions on Iran over their nuclear program.......this is going to blow Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's chances of getting on Dancing with the Stars next season.....(assisted by Number 1, Jerry Perisho)

A woman who allegedly pretended to be an AC/DC concert promoter has been accused of conning fans out of nearly $100,000 by planning a fake gig.....dam.....I thought I had them signed for my pig roast next week-end.

Keystone Entertainment Group Ltd. is seeking $6 million in damages over Aerosmith’s cancelled tour of the prairies and Vancouver last August, and its refusal to schedule new dates.......only one Canadian stop in Toronto on Aug. 17.......A spokesperson for Steven Tyler said he will be able to compensate......as soon as he returns last years empties.

Shania Twain's divorce from producer Robert "Mutt" Lange has been finalized, People.com reports......he may have turned her from men.....it's possible she could "Feel like a Woman"

Two Liberal Party advisers have sworn affidavits saying the federal party's president spoke to them about high-level discussions with NDP officials about the creation of a new party......and any such merger would "demand that the NDP renounce socialism.".......Liberal Leader Michael Ignatieff called discussions of a merger "ridiculous.".......NDP leader Jack Layton said he doesn't care as long as he can get a seat at the bar for the World Cup.

Health Minister Leona Aglukkaq told a news briefing in Ottawa Wednesday that the new legislation will ban the manufacturing, import or marketing of any product considered unsafe.....The bill also gives the federal government the power to initiate a product recall.....and remove un-needed letters from a person's surname.

Raptors' Turkoglu wants to return to Sacramento..... OK thanks, watch the door doesn't hit your lazy ass on the way out Hedo.

Quebecor Media Inc. has filed an application for an English-language TV news network with the CRTC......a new, right-wing news channel modelled on the highly successful Fox News in the United States....."Big boob blonde's form a double line please......right, that's two fingers sweety, double means two"

The Global Anti-Counterfeiting Awards has honoured the RCMP for its role in efforts to combat counterfeiting......an RCMP spokesperson said a 30 year undercover operation has netted "several bogus Tim Cards" at various donut shops across the country.

In lab experiments, scientists found that fungus and mold was able to produce a high-quality biodiesel fuel.......good news, now you can gas up the car with that left-over tuna salad in the back of the fridge.

The Chicago Blackhawks are Stanley Cup champions for the first time in almost 50 years......still hope Toronto fans....as soon as hell freezes over.

Two men face weapons charges after a knife and carving fork were seized at the Dartmouth, N.S., courthouse......well in thier defense, you can run into some real turkeys at the courthouse. (Boooo)

On that note....come back soon....I'm on Facebook and Twitter....send me an e-mail ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

BP SEEKS DUTCH BOY WITH BIG FINGERS

The Sci-Fi Channel is coming out with a cooking show.......geeks need to learn how to cook.....they will never have a spouse to do it.

A French man with no arms or legs will attempt to swim across the English Channel...........wonder if his name is "Bob"?

A woman who was hit by a car is suing Google for map directions she got as a pedestrian in Utah..........she claims she couldn't find the big pin with the red ball on the end.

Aerosmith have announced thier Cocked, Locked, Ready To Rock Tour will kick off in Oakland, California on 23 July..........Vegas still has it at 3 to 1 Tyler falls off the stage within a week.

A report by a United Nations panel suggests the world's population should shift away from a meat-based diet and cut fossil fuel consumption.........at least I think they said that......I heard it on my way to Master Meats in my Suburban.

An international team of researchers began a simulation of a flight to Mars that will keep them locked in windowless modules for 520 days.......it's a six-member, all-male crew....three Russians, a Frenchman, an Italian-Colombian and a Chinese.....the French participant said he was bringing along a guitar so he could entertain the other team members.....how many Frere Jacques's 'til that thing is smashed over his head.

"Twist Of Kate" is set to air this fall.......Kate Gosselin takes on an a variety of jobs that ordinary people do....such as garbage collecting....the boss said...."If she worked at this job for a month or so, believe me, she would mambo like you’d never seen her before!”......eeew.....I just pictured her doing the mambo!

James Cameron, the director of Avatar and Titanic, joined scientists and other experts at a meeting with U.S. officials Tuesday in Washington to come up with possible fixes for the oil leak.......James Cameron?....was this caused by blue aliens?......he couldn't stop a boat from sinking.....he can't even get a decent haircut.

I get a kick out of watching the BP oil executives.....It's a nice mixture of certainty and cluelessness......like watching a kitten bat its paw at a python.

Have a good week-end everybody.....Friend me on Facebook, Follow on Twitter @ben_burnett or send an e-mail ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca  love to correspond.

WOW IT'S JUNE!!....OH WAIT...IT'S JUST WARD AND THE BOY'S.

Paul McCartney was reportedly left fearing for his safety after his tour bus came under attack from a group of thugs in a tough area of Mexico on Friday night......officials were shocked when they finally captured the ring leader and discovered it was Ringo Star

Katy Perry has threatened her record label bosses she will fall pregnant if they refuse to cut back on her busy work schedule......the line forms here gentlemen.....one at a time please!!!!!

Joe Walsh has filed for a restraining order against his neighbour, who is an elderly man in his 70's, who allegedly threatened to kill him.......no wonder he "ain't never been there".....they tell him it's nice

Olivia Newton-John's former lover Patrick McDermott has no plans to contact his ex-girlfriend after he was discovered alive and well in Mexico five years after supposedly drowning in a boating accident........Man, I hate her singing too, but not that much......stop singing Grease!!!!!

Britney Spears has crushed all competition on Twitter.com......the pop princess has become the first person on the social networking site to garner more than 5 million followers.......of course it would take a bird brain.

Bret Michaels fuelled rumours he will replace Simon Cowell on American Idol as he made his concert comeback in Biloxi, Mississippi on Friday following a string of health scares.......which were corrected by 8 hours of surgery to loosen his bandana.

The Bank of Canada did the expected and raised its benchmark interest rate to 0.5 per cent on Tuesday, the first interest hike in nearly three years......yea....I'm not interested either.

Flooding and landslides from a tropical storm have killed at least 150 people and made thousands homeless in Central America, officials say.....hurricane season officially begins today so, that storm is actually illegal.

Sarah Ferguson told Oprah on her show today she had been drinking and was "not in my right place" when she was caught on video offering to sell access to her ex-husband, Prince Andrew......drinking, red hair.....she must be with the IRA.

Calgary MP Rob Anders is raising eyebrows for signing a card in support of Canadian troops with the handwritten message: "When in doubt, pull the trigger."......Anders must have thought the message was for American troops.

Women who need to take antidepressants early in pregnancy have an increased risk of miscarriage, Canadian researchers say.....the depression happens when they realize that the childs father is the one laying on the couch scratching, burping and farting.

Pregnant women and new mothers in Canada's North who are trying to quit smoking could get help from a $350,000 federal project......called the Blue Light Campaign, families will get a blue light bulb to install on their porch to signal the family has committed to smoking outdoors or to quitting altogether....not to be confused with the Red Light campaign, that caused the problem in the first place.

An expert panel advising the World Health Organization is weighing whether to declare the H1N1 flu pandemic over......or to continue scaring the hell out of people for another year or so.

Back to usual hopefully.....Find me on Facebook and send me an e-mail ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca