PAMELA ANDERSON HAS BIG....ISSUES

The Canadian Transportation Agency has said WestJet's domestic cap of $250 for claims on luggage liability is unreasonable, and gave the airline until April 18 to respond....I think they just responded....189 suitcases just hit the ground from an overhead jet leaving Toronto.

Colombian rebels have freed a soldier who has been held hostage in the jungle for more than 12 years.....while trying to catch up on world events he missed over 12 years.....the soldier bolted back into the jungle after being exposed to "American Idol" for the first time.

More than 500 rabbits were discovered living inside a south Edmonton home.....the owner insists he was running a "Pregnancy Detection Center" and that business has been slow.

A Belgian parliamentary committee has voted to ban face-covering Islamic veils from being worn in public.....the committee chair tried to calm protests by explaining "A special committee will be formed to look at each case, for example, if the person is really ugly they will be encouraged to continue wearing the veil"

MARCH 31---The Humane Mouse Trap was patented on this day in 1908.....Instead of killing the mouse, this trap slipped a wire collar with a bell on it around his neck and turned him loose......he would scare away other mice.....maybe you could use this on sex addict's like Tiger and Jesse James.

A lot of soccer experts feel David Beckham should retire as he begins to recover from an Achilles tendon operation......that and the obvious head trauma he has endured from "heading" soccer balls for so many years.....look who he married for God's sake!

Hillary Clinton has taken issue with Prime Minister Stephen Harper's G8 initiative on maternal mortality, arguing that any effort to improve the health of mothers in poor countries must include access to abortion......Bill Clinton sent a memo to Harper stating...."Better do what she wants Stephan, or you will be on the couch again....oh wait...that's me..."

Some are wondering if Sandra Bullock will make her first public appearance at this Saturday’s Kids’ Choice Awards, where she is nominated for Favourite Movie Actress......the website for the awards features “fun facts” about the nominees: “Sandra is happily married to the tattooed superstar motorcycle maker and monster mechanic Jesse James.”......they should really edit this to add....."who sometimes likes to lubricate skanky walking billboards"

Former U.S. President Bill Clinton and Haitian Prime Minister Jean-Max Bellerive will co-chair a committee overseeing at least $3.8 billion in post-quake aid to Haiti....when asked to comment, the former U.S. President said "He's a big fella, but I think we can both squeeze into one chair"

Some 4,000 conservative Catholic university students in Rome for a convention, attacked journalists who have written about the sexual abuse of children by priests as "sowers of mistrust.".....the priest's were "sowing" a lot more then mistrust with that one furrow plough under their robes.

MARCH 31---The U.S. bought the Virgin Islands from Denmark for $25-million on this day in 1917......the next day they tried to return the islands when they discovered the natives were not all virgins....to which the Danes replied......April Fools!!!!

Pamela Anderson has personally filed a series of Access to Information requests in an effort to prove the seal hunt actually costs Canadian taxpayers money...."For the many Canadians who travel abroad, like me, it's a huge embarrassment.".......A government spokesperson said in response...."For the many Canadians who travel abroad, like me, Pamela Anderson is a huge embarrassment."

Send me an e-mail ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca and blog updates are on Twitter @ben_burnett and friend me on Facebook.

SCARY U.S. WOMEN IN CANADA, 2 WEEKS IN A ROW

The Washington Nationals say President Barack Obama will throw out the ceremonial first pitch at the team's opening day game April 5 ........he's a lefty........what a coup to sign him as a middle reliever.

NASA and the National Academy of Sciences are joining the government's effort to figure out what caused the sudden acceleration problems that led to Toyota's massive recalls.......next time you stop in at Earl's Garage down the road for a problem, ask him if he could get his team of rocket scientists to check it out.

The red replica Ferrari 250GT Spyder California sports car made famous in the hit '80s film Ferris Bueller's Day Off will be on the auction block just north of London next month.....the current owner claims it still has the smell that was caused when Matthew Broderick shit himself.

Toyota is not the only Canadian vehicle manufacturer to have problems with sticky gas pedals causing accidental acceleration, according to an analysis of 12 years' worth of Transport Canada recall data.....sorry?......oh, that sound you hear is lawyer drool dripping on gleaming mahogany.

A copy of the 1938 edition of Action Comics No. 1, which features Superman's debut sold Monday for $1.5 million US in an online auction........Superman would be useless today......the Chinese use all the kryptonite in toy paint.

Ten cents on the dollar may be the most investors in southern Ontario will get in return for their estimated $50 million in loans entrusted to Ponzi suspect Robert Mander......Mander's lawyers insist that and the accompanying fruit basket, pen and calendar should be more then enough.

Organizers of the Royal Nova Scotia International Tattoo are hoping to resolve a dispute over a set of stairs that is keeping the 83 yr old Queen from attending the event.....they are now looking at a high wire entrance like the one used by Pink at the Grammy awards.

A Tennessee man who ran naked through a grocery store has been charged with indecent exposure......it did reinforce the fact that subliminal advertising works...the store’s sales of sausage skyrocketed. (Many thanks to Jerry Perisho for an assist on this one....check out his blog....link on the right)

Scientists say that tobacco could be used as a biofuel in the future......the only problem found is when you're low on fuel.....the car becomes irritable.

The world's largest atom smasher set a record for high-energy collisions on Tuesday by crashing proton beams into each other at three times more force than ever before......this could be dangerous......?backwards going starts time if What....oh oh.

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton told CBC's The Hour that the United States would like Canada to stay in Afghanistan after 2011......after the camera's were shut off she said "No reason for both our country's to be there......we could go off and attack some one else"

Drop me a line at ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca or on Twitter @ben_burnett and I can be found on Facebook getting insulted by friends and family.

ANN COULTER MISTAKEN FOR ANTELOPE..RELEASED SOMEWHERE IN BANFF NATIONAL PARK

Winnipeg remains the robbery capital of Canada, according to a report analyzing holdups, and Manitoba was tops among provinces and territories.....more on this story when the reporter gets another blackberry.....he was robbed at gunpoint this morning.

Saturday March 27 is earth hour, people around the world are encouraged to turn off their lights from 8:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. local time.....one question.....what will happen if I get a good idea during that hour?.....you know, a "lightbulb" moment....hey....it could happen!

A team of scientists looking at Einstein's theory of relativity say he was right and most of the universe is dark, dark matter and dark energy, and they have absolutely no clue what its physical nature is.....if you google "dark matter" a picture of Dick Cheney appears.

President Obama and Russian President Dmitry Medvedev agreed on Friday to sharp cuts in the nuclear arsenals of both nations......North Korean leader Kim Jong Il ordered his staff to start searching for these on E-Bay.

Californians will vote in November on whether they want to be the first Americans to legalize marijuana for personal use.......in other news.....the So-Cal Association of Fast-Food Restaurants predict a spike in sales early in 2011.

George Zimmer, founder and chief executive of the men's clothing chain Men's Wearhouse is said to be the largest doner of the California pot legalization campaign...."You won't care the way you look...I gaurantee it"

A Dutch hacker won $10,000 for busting into IE8 on Windows 7 in 2 minutes......after the feat he apologized for taking so long, explaining he had to take that call from Steve Jobs.

Government owned BC Rail executives have managed 38 kilometres of track and zero trains for 6 years in which time they have received just over $10-million in executive compensation......now the two executives, that's right 2....will be getting $600,000 in severance as it shuts down.....recap....38 km of track with no trains.....6 years.....over $10 and a 1/2 million....two guy's.....how do you get on these gravy trains?

Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall says he's disappointed that 16 University of Regina professors are protesting a scholarship program called Project Hero for the children of fallen soldiers who receive free tuition for four years, as well as $1,000 for books.....it's amazing how our smartest people can also be the stupidest.

Ann Coulter's cross Canada comedy tour continued in Cowtown (Calgary) last night, where her reception was not as bitter as Ottawa, unfortunately......she said she still intends to file a complaint with the Canadian Human Rights Commission that she is a victim of hate speech......and if anybody knows hate speech....it's Ann Coulter.

It's Friday!!!...whatever that means....oh yea, more NCAA @ben_burnett for blog updates on Twitter...I'm heckling on Facebook now and then, better yet e-mail me ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

ANN COULTER STILL HERE...SADLY

A researcher says paintings of “The Last Supper” throughout the years show that the perceived standard serving size has grown tremendously......the latest rendition shows a girl in a paper hat in the window behind them asking "Do want fries with that?"

According to the Cancer Advocacy Coalition Canada, provincial politicians and top bureaucrats across Canada have better access to cancer drugs and treatment than their constituents......wonder if any of them will give us the infamous "I'm entitled to my entitlements!"

Anybody else sick of hearing about the head-shot rule change for the NHL?......if they don't stop talking about it....I'll be giving myself a head-shot into a wall.

The only NHL player who doesn't care about the head shot rule is Zdeno Charra.....at six foot nine, nothing comes close to him anyway.

Up to 100 Australian police officers are being investigated over racist, homophobic and pornographic e-mails that have been circulated among officers in the state of Victoria.....this news has shocked about 2 people in the country.

Nasty alert: Watching the Womens World Curling Championships......couldn't help but notice the German women have Mickey Rourke as thier skip....and not the young handsome version.

More on the German women....no wonder the German's started so many wars.....they didn't have to worry about the occupying forces messing with thier women......BOOOO

Prince Charles paid tribute to his country's forces in Afghanistan on a surprise tour Thursday in which he also met local leaders....video from the meeting captured young children running to get under the shade his ears created.

Most Canadians could afford the modest price increase they'd be subject to if TV networks get approval to charge cable and satellite companies for their over-the-air signals, says the CRTC..... the CRTC knows everything....they know what you want to watch and listen to.....they know how much money you have.....they even know who your sleeping with.....who do you think broke the Tiger Woods story?

Air pollution from Asia, India and Indonesia is transported into the global stratosphere by the summer monsoon season, a study using a Canadian satellite has found.....that explains my craving Tandoori Chicken and Makki Roti every night.

Osama bin Laden purportedly dispensed more threats towards Americans in a new audio tape......he also said the yin to his yang Ann Coulter would continue her tour of Canada....oh and he knew Kansas would lose.

Have a wonderful weekend....friend me on Facebook  @ben_burnett on Twitter  send me an e-mail ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

ANN COULTER A VICTIM IN CANADA...AWWW

Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher says he'll likely never recover from an on stage attack in Toronto that left him feeling like he "had been hit by a bus."......the defense has asked that Gallagher be hit by a bus so he can be sure the comparison is accurate.

Finance Minister Jim Flaherty will ask Canadians how best to reform the country's pension system.......some options he said were: beefing up mandatory contributions, adding a voluntary supplement, better educating the public and lethal injection at age 70.

International Olympic Committee president Jacques Rogge says close attention will be paid to athletes suspected of doping and lying about their age at the first Summer Youth Games in Singapore this year.....upset Russian officials claim a lot of 14 yr old girls have beards and biceps.

The Government in New Brunswick will propose new anti-bullying legislation on Wednesday that will give educators more power to address problem situations.....the head of the school board said "We don't think tasers will cause permanent damage to teens"

Irish bishop quits, begs 'forgiveness and pardon' from children abused by priests he shielded.....let the healing begin by letting the bishop and the abused spend some quality time alone.....in a locked, sound-proof room.

Here's a thought....want to be a Catholic priest?....agree to chemical castration....if your vow is real....it should not matter.

Police in Connecticut say they had ample warning of a bank robbery because the two suspects called the bank ahead of time and told an employee to get a bag of money ready.....and to put on "sumpin frilly cuz we're hittin the town tonight"

The trial of a Canadian soldier accused of killing a wounded and disarmed Taliban fighter in Afghanistan will begin today.....he claims it was a mercy killing.....gives a new twist to the old farmer saying of "shoot, shovel and shut-up!"

Statistics Canada reports 698,800 people received regular Employment Insurance benefits in January, down 47,700 from December......in other news....47,700 new welfare cases reported in January said Statscan.

Scientists conducting a survey for the U.S. military say they photographed an endangered right whale giving birth near the coast of Georgia......a left whale, who refused to be identified, said the un-married whale in question had spent alot of time off the coast of Argentina last year.

A new species of dinosaur has emerged from the rocks in the western state of Utah.....named the "Polygusaurus" peculier to the region, the large plant eater was always surrounded by smaller, perhaps female creatures....paleontologists suggest in-breeding may have led to their demise.

JetBlue is keeping its corporate headquarters in New York City after considering a possible move to Orlando, Fla......the airline and New York State have also agreed to a joint branding deal for the iconic "I Love NY" logo......it will be very visable given the jets rarely move.

Ann Coulter took aim at a University of Ottawa administrator Monday night, saying an e-mail from the school warning her to use “restraint, respect and consideration” when addressing Ontario students during a speaking tour this week made her a victim of a “hate crime.” .....she will be filing a complaint with the Human Rights Commission alleging hate speech......it's true.....no joke here.....oh OK....Whats the diff between Ann Coulter and a camel?....although they look the same.....a camel has bigger humps and is usefull.

Ann now moves to the U of Alberta for her next session of verbal diarrhea.... @ben_burnett for Twitter  friend me on Facebook  drop me a note at ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

IS THAT ANN COULTER OR A CAMEL?...HARD TO TELL

The restaurant chain Friendly's is anything but.....advertising create your own meal for $9.99.....apparently Prosciutto wrapped Duck Breast with Linganberry sauce and a side of steamed white asparagus with a hint of truffle oil isn't what they meant.

Rick Nash for the Columbus Blue Jackets is listed in the teams injury report as "lower body/flu".....that really means he has the shits....don't go near him.

Blockbuster Video may file for bankruptcy.......customers have been confused since the DVD came out.....they don't know how to re-wind them.

British Airways are entering 5th day of cabin crew strike......passengers say service has increased to bearable.

Watching the NCAA March Madness over the week-end on CBS.....every time Jim Nantz spoke, I was waiting for David Feherty to break in...."Jim, it's shots like that, that'll put you in the broadcast booth"

More on the NCAA basketball......try saying woeful Wofford after 6 rye and waters.

The Canadian government's $47.2-billion stimulus package contributed little to the country's economic turnaround, a study from the Fraser Institute suggests.....although it did keep one researcher busy at the Fraser Insitute.

Michael Jackson's doctor halted CPR on the dying pop star and delayed calling paramedics so he could collect drug vials at the scene according to a member of Jackson's entourage.....Dr. Murray said he was going to return the drugs to the pharmacy because they didn't seem to be working properly.

Ontario has suspended a program aimed at fast-tracking the certification of some foreign doctors.....Toronto patients of a newly placed doctor from Zimbabwe were perplexed when they were asked to pay for services with roosters and goats.

Warner Bros. says it will open a development studio in Montreal ......for language reasons Pepe Le Pew will be in charge of operations.

Golf Channel's Kelly Tilghman has been fielding alot of questions about her interview with Tiger.....what everyone really wants to know is how long did it take him to ask her out.

The waste of oxygen that is Ann Coulter was in Canada to give a speech at the U of Western Ontario.....the American is famous for saying Canadians are "lucky we allow them to exist on the same continent" and the unforgettable "all Muslims be banned from airlines and use flying carpets.".....when a 17 yr old muslim girl told Coulter she didn't have a flying carpet, Coulter told her to "take a camel.".......she should have added that if the girl has "never seen a camel, they look alot like me, only prettier."

Thank God for free speech   drop me a line ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca   @ben_burnett on Twitter and find me on Facebook.

GOLF WEATHER!....FORE...OOPS!

U.S. President Barack Obama made a rare appearance Wednesday on Fox News.....he must think he's Capt. Kirk....."to boldly go where no sane politician has gone before"

Tools suggest the ancestors of the hobbit-like species of humans colonized the Indonesian island of Flores much earlier than previously thought......hey....I'm not crazy about researchers either but there is no need to call them names.

Pepsi announces all sugary soft drinks will be removed from schools by 2012.....2012?....are they using one truck for the whole planet?

RadarOnline.com has learned that Charlie Sheen – by his own choice – is being followed by a “sober coach” all day to make sure that he does not drink or do drugs......I thought all married men had one of those.....it's called a "wife".....I suppose in this case....

The Pope has sent a letter to Irish Catholics saying he hopes it will start the healing......to which the victims of abuse replied "If there's a big cheque with the letter".

A Swiss watch designer has made a watch from dinosaur dung.......now when you point at your watch and say it's a shitty time of the day......you really mean it.

Eighties pop icon Boy George was in for a shock when he met Lady Gaga for the first time.......she asked him to autograph her genitalia........Boy George was aghast, stating "everyone knows I don't touch those things"

A scholar says he has found a “lost” Shakespearean play.......the plot sounds interesting..........something about blue creatures that live in a fantasy world.

ABBA star Anni-Frid Reuss has ruled out a much-anticipated band reunion, insisting it's "too late for that" at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony in New York on Monday night........and I think I speak for all rock and roll fans every where when I say "Thankyou...thankyou....thankyou!!!!!"

John McCain and Sarah Palin will campaign together in Arizona for his Senate re-election bid......that reveals that deep down he wants to retire.

Escalating tension in the Middle East since VP Joe Biden left the area....."Where should I go now Barack?....Korea?"

A study says that people in power make better liars.....obviously those researchers never watched Tiger's press release.

Watching the PGA Transitions Championship and can't help but notice that Kenny Perry is sponsored by them.....waiting for Kenny to say....... "if I didn't have these goddam glasses on, I might be able to putt!!"

While on the golf subject, wouldn't it be great to be rich enough to have a house on a course that hosts a PGA event?.....just sit in your back yard and wait patiently for an errant drive....."Hey Mickelson.....get the %$@& off my lawn!!!!!!"

Dats all for today....weather in Cape Breton this week is amazing....people in T-shirts....read a good one yesterday....cartoon bear picking his teeth say's "Send more hunters...the last ones were delicious!" drop me a line ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca or follow on Twitter @ben_burnett and you can sometimes find me iritating people on Facebook. 

NOW THE LIBERALS WILL WANT TO PROROGUE...

A study of 120 babies, age five months to 2 years, found that they are born to dance......some babies were able to synchronize their movements to the beat.....the study ended with all the babies crying as one of the researchers played Amy Winehouse.

A 77 yr old woman in rural Nova Scotia has had to prove to the government TWICE that she is alive......I'm not sure I could do that.

Today is the day the swallows return to Capistrano, California.....they have been drinking Mexican water and tequila all winter.....tarp your car and stay indoors.

Mattel announced Friday it will offer new Barbie and Ken dolls based on the TV show Mad Men.......clever marketing......because in a few years all the dolls will be replaced because of lung cancer and liver disease.

Alex Chilton has died at 59 from heart problems.....he was a teenager with the pop-soul outfit the Box Tops which topped the charts with the song "The Letter" in 1967......apparently he just got around to reading the bad news in it.

In celebration of St. Patrick’s Day yesterday, New York lit up the Empire State Building in green.…either that or the Jolly Green Giant was really jolly yesterday......(with an assist to Jerry Perisho)

A court in Poland found three men guilty in the December theft of a notorious sign from the former Auschwitz concentration camp......the men claim a toy factory in China wanted it.

Tension is building between Canada and Russia after Russian President Dmitry Medvedev told a session of his Security Council that his country must be prepared to defend its claims to Arctic mineral riches.....here's an idea.....let's play hockey for it.

It’s being reported that Sandra Bullock's husband Jesse James had an affair with a tattoo model named Michelle “Bombshell” McGee.......insiders say she was "blind-sided".....I know, I know....BAD.

Free-agent guard Richie "Incognito" signed a one-year contract with the Miami Dolphins on Wednesday......The Dolphins will be the third NFL team since December......sadly, no one ever notices him.

The ruling Conservatives have widened their lead over the Liberals even though they have only been back in parliament for two weeks, an EKOS poll suggests.........Liberals are calling for the government to prorogue.

That's all for today....my colour has gone from "shamrock" to "sage"  e-mail me ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca  @ben_burnett for Twitter and I'm usually heckling people on Facebook.

PM HARPER AND YOUTOOL..ER..YOUTUBE

President Dmitry Medvedev said Russia must defend its claims to the Arctic by strengthening border guard forces in the region......"If our athletes can no longer ski or skate........we must find something for them to do"

Higher oil prices will not be enough for Newfoundland and Labrador to balance the books in the upcoming budget, Premier Danny Williams says......."That heart surgery I had in the States cost more then I thought"

Germany's leader Angela Merkel called the Catholic sex abuse scandal a major challenge to German society and warned the only way to come to terms with it was to "find out everything that has happened."......she initially used the word "probe" but quickly retracted it hearing the snickers of the mostly male parliament.

Drone kills 9 in Pakistan.........I didn't know Prime Minister Harper was giving a speech there?

Wal-Mart officials are reviewing security tapes to try to determine who used a New Jersey store's public-address system to tell "all black people" to leave......I'd check where they sell sheets.

Wal-Mart officials are reviewing security tapes to try to determine who used a New Jersey store's public-address system to tell "all black people" to leave.....it was all a mis-understanding.....a "flash mob" dance was about to begin and they didn't want to embarrass the white people.

Singer/actress Miley Cyrus is planning to take a hiatus from her music career.....to the relief of music fans everywhere.

People in Fargo, N.D., are scrambling to protect buildings along the rising Red River.....wow.....who would have thought there would be flooding along the Red River.

The world's shortest man, Pingping of China, who was 2' 5", has died in Italy, where he was to take part in a TV show......fellow country-man and NBA star 7' 6" Yao Ming said he would miss him......"I used to shove him down my shorts when I was picking up chicks"

A recently released document shows how U.S. federal investigators are using Facebook to gather evidence and uncover suspects' private information........Aha.....I knew they were screwing with my Farmville!!!!

Family and friends cheered as the destroyer HMCS Athabaskan and its crew of 240 arrived back home in Halifax after an eight-week deployment in Haiti......the reunions will begin once the ship is unloaded.......and the Haitian refugees clinging to the sides are removed.

Michael Jackson's estate will get up to $250 million in the next seven years......Elvis turns to Michael and say's......."I told ya son, just disappear and your rich again.....now pass me some fried chicken"

Antiques Roadshow 400 yrs from now........"This chair dates from the late 20th, early 21st century.....you can tell the owner was a Toronto hockey fan, given the marks here, you can see where his fingers were dug in to the upholstery"

Prime Minister Stephen Harper fielded questions on hot topics in his first YouTube interview Tuesday night, and the favourites by far concerned the legalization of marijuana......."It would be too easy to tax weed and wipe out the deficit".....pssst....he didn't say that....it's just what everybody hoped.

Hey say hi by sending an e-mail to ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca    Twitter is @ben_burnett    and friend me on Facebook....just don't screw with my Farmville!!!

WILD TIGERS EXTINCT? TODAY'S BOTTOM POST...

That spring ahead one hour thing must really screw up Jack Bauer of "24"......I suppose he tortures people over lunch to make up for it.

A Montreal man the FBI once called Canada's biggest movie pirate will be sentenced on Tuesday for illegally distributing copyrighted material on the internet.....the harshest part of his sentence calls for "Hannah Montana: The Movie" to be played on a loop in his cell.

Several Toyota executives are scheduled to appear at a House of Commons committee hearing in Ottawa to answer questions about recent recalls....and to finish up the seal meat in the Parliament cafeteria that nobody will eat.

The Toronto Transit Commission won't say what punishment a driver might face after allegedly driving a bus while intoxicated......the driver's union has been pushing for a vodka only rule for driver's......passenger's can't smell it.

The last known wild wolverine in the state of Michigan was found dead this weekend, apparently of natural causes......although the people who found it swear they could hear the song "Cat Scratch Fever" playing close by.

A 600-pound woman in New Jersey says she's okay with being fat and actually is trying to gain another 400 pounds.......isn't that "Precious?"

Facebook is opening an operations office in India, its first in Asia.......oh, that's great.....now there will be "Quiky-Martvilles" all over Facebook.

Lady Gaga has sparked fears for her health after she appeared "dazed and dizzy" during a concert in Auckland, New Zealand on Sunday......I figure you would have to be "dazed and dizzy" to buy her concert tickets.

Andre Agassi and Pete Sampras had a public spat during a charity tennis tournament...........when asked to comment John McEnroe said......"You want a spat....I'll give you a spat.....how could you call that a spat....are you out of your mind.....this is a spat......you idiot!!!!!"

"Taking on Tyson" will be a new show on Animal Planet that will pit Mike Tyson, a novice pigeon racer, against serious competitors and promises to bring audiences inside this "intensely competitive and bizarrely fascinating world."......oh it will be bizarre alright....especially when Mike bites the head off his losing pigeon.


The world has failed at protecting tigers in the wild, bringing an animal that is a symbol to "the verge of extinction," a top United Nations wildlife official said Monday.....in other news the first pictures of Tiger and Elin surfaced Monday, perhaps bringing an end to Tiger in the wild......

Back to my regular schedule again.... @ben_burnett for Twitter... Friend me on Facebook.... and say hi by e-mail ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

FREE BOTTLED BEER DAY

A company is now offering you the chance to have a stuffed toy version of yourself created, just by sending them a picture.....it's the ultimate gift for some one who likes playing with themselves.

A rally by the Canadian Liberated Urban Chicken Klub (CLUCK), was held in Calgary Wednesday night as about 100 people rallied for a bylaw change that would make raising the birds in backyards legal..........violence erupted because The Canadian Egg-Lovers Club claimed they were there first.

Dutch nurses will launch a national campaign Friday against demands for sexual services by patients who claim it should be part of their standard care......Bill Clinton called Pres. Obama and said the U.S. should not model thier health care after the Netherlands.

A St. John's man accused of using fake identification and credit cards to defraud local businesses has been granted bail........he paid with a credit card.

A 7.2-magnitude aftershock and four other tremors hit Chile Thursday, triggering a tsunami alert just minutes before billionaire Sebastian Pinera was sworn in as the new president......do you think the last president knew something?

U.S. Vice-President Joe Biden begged Israelis and Palestinians to stop squabbling because it has marred his trip to the region......"I'm VP, I told you 2 weeks ago, I don't do anything"

After hosting the warmest Winter Games on record and being mocked around the world for the lack of snow.....Cypress Mountain received 37 centimetres of snow between Wednesday and Thursday morning.......angry resort officials quickly loaded the snow on trucks and had it shipped to Whistler.....saying "It's too late now"

A bottled water company celebrated Bottled Water Free Day on Thursday inviting Toronto residents to "Get free bottled water today."......Cedar Springs gave away glass bottles of water to people who called and asked for them.......can't wait for "Bottled Beer Free Day".....right Molson's?

A new Canadian-led study has added to a scientific dispute over flu-shot campaigns......the study calls for high-quality research into other anti-flu measures, such as enhanced use of hand washing, face masks, early detection of the virus with nose swabs and quarantining nursing-homes......"but then we can't make billions of dollars" said every pharmaceutical in the world.

At the "Seal Meat Lunch" on Parliament Hill Wednesday, Liberal Leader Michael Ignatieff tried some seal pate and pronounced it "delicious actually ... a little gamey, like caribou or something.".......he left abruptly muttering "Heidi Klum?"

Conan O'Brien has announced "The Legally Prohibited From Being Funny On Television Tour", and promises "A night of music, comedy, hugging and the occasional awkward silence.".......comedy......must be bringing comedians with him.

Winter is officially over, according to Environment Canada.....and it was one of the warmest and driest across the country since 1948.......that should gaurantee the mother of all snow storms the end of March.

Gotta go....follow me on Twitter @ben_burnett  I'm on Facebook and send me a word or two ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

PALIN OWES FOR MEDICAL CARE

During a weekend speech in Calgary, Sarah Palin acknowledged her family used medical care in Whitehorse, the capital of Canada's Yukon Territory, decades ago....the head of Whitehorse Hospital said he recalls giving her a lobotomy in 1971.

Governor General Michaelle Jean is in quake-ravaged Haiti and spoke to the people, telling them......"You are not alone......there are people all over the world who are miserable"

The revelation that Canada's spy agency interrogated captured Taliban fighters raises the spectre of a Canadian rendition program in Afghanistan, opposition critics said Monday......a spokesperson for CSIS said...."After capturing the men and letting them freshen up, have a quick snack and unwind from the battle field, we would sometimes ask thier opinions on world matters"

Women who have between one and two drinks a day may be better at controlling their weight than women who don’t consume alcohol, a new study suggests.....in other news Kirstie Alley launches hostile take-over of Black & White Scotch.

A California man was driving his Prius on a busy freeway outside San Diego when he noticed his car was starting to accelerate on its own......the terrified motorist was helpless as the car raced along the road at speeds of more than 90 miles per hour.......anyone figured out what the "N" is for on the gear shift?

Vice President Joe Biden assured Israel on Tuesday of Washington's commitment to its security and preventing Iran from producing nuclear weapons.....shortly after, Biden and his entourage set out for some backpacking near the Iranian border.

Former Alberta Conservative MP Rahim Jaffer has pleaded guilty to "careless driving" and will pay a $500 fine.....he was initially charged with driving while having more than 80 milligrams of alcohol in one hundred millilitres of blood, speeding and possession of cocaine....the new charge was agreed after the prosecution “carefully reviewed” the case....I think that really means....."carefully counted what was in the briefcase."

Bidding for one of the most coveted domain names on the web, Sex.com, will begin at $1-million USD.....the existing owner, a Mr. T. Woods, was not available to comment.

A Sony Senior Vice President told a news conference yesterday......“We at Sony will liberate 3D from the confines of movie theatres and make it something that people can enjoy at home,”.........he went on to say the devices will be made of wood or plastic with glass, and they go in your wall.....he added more expensive versions that "open", could re-create smells and temperature changes.

Ursula Burns, the outspoken new chief executive of Xerox, wants to improve her employees’ performance by encouraging them to be bolder, more frank and impatient with each other.......so tomorrow....."Ted, I know your my boss, but your a dick-head and your constant sniffling makes me fucking sick, your wife's a boozy bitch who's been banging your neighbor and where the hell is the laptop I asked for this morning!"

The Grammy Award-winning rapper "Lil Wayne" delivered only a brief bow to fans and supporters as he was led out of a courtroom in handcuffs to face his sentence....his future cell mate "Big Wayne" suggests his bows will not be as brief at Rikers.

Drop me a line, be bold, frank and impatient  ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca   @ ben_burnett for tweets and friend me on Facebook

HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY!....WHEN DO WE EAT?

The Conservative government will be cutting 245 jobs from agencies, boards and commissions, a move that will save Ottawa more than $1 million......including the 14 positions at the Canadian Council on the Status of the Artist....."he" said he would miss them.

The French navy has captured 35 piracy suspects off Somalia's coast......no.....I'm sure.....the French.....

North Korea said on Monday it had put its army on full combat alert, ready to "blow up" South Korea as joint drills between the South and the United States got underway.....North Korean leader Kim Jong-il was seen scurrying to his bunker which is made from a WWII American army helmet.

Seal meat hors-d'oeuvre and main courses will be on the lunch menu at the parliamentary restaurant on Wednesday......MP's who had already sampled seal meat said they were amazed at how easy it is now to balance a ball on your nose while clapping your hands.

The University of Queensland in Australia studied marijuana use and found people who were vulnerable to psychosis, in other words had isolated psychotic symptoms, "were more likely to commence cannabis use, which could then subsequently contribute to an increased risk of conversion to a non-affective psychotic disorder," the research said..........I think it makes more sense if you smoke a joint.

Iran's Parliament on Monday approved the budget for the year ending March 2011, allocating $347 billion to the government based on an oil price of 65 dollars a barrel......President Ahmadinejad explained $346.9 billion will go to further research nuclear wea.....medicine.

Methane is leaking into the atmosphere from unstable permafrost in the Arctic Ocean and could worsen global warming, a study said Thursday......scientists had previously concluded the methane was from whale farts.

The federal government announced yesterday that it has formally designated al-Shabab from Somalia a terrorist organization under Canadian law........a spokesman for the organization replied......."PFFFFFFFFT".....Stay tuned.......

Today is International Women's Day and world leaders and international organizations are calling for more rights and opportunities for women in order to help solve many of the world's problems.....I suppose we should move past "barefoot and pregnant, chained to the stove"

On Twitter for blog up-dates @ben_burnett  I'm on Facebook  and please say hi e-mail ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

BACK TO WORK IN OTTAWA

A family that survived the earthquake in Haiti....just nicely arrived in Chile and endured the quake there.....the U.N. said today no other country will risk taking in the family.

Sean Penn has opened fire on critics of his recent mercy mission to Haiti, stating he hopes they all die of rectal cancer.....and he is an expert on that end of the body being one himself.

A man sitting in the passenger seat of a car driving down the wrong side of a Newfoundland highway has been charged with impaired driving....Police said the 55 year-old man was teaching a 21-year-old woman how to drive......leaving the police station the man said he may re-think his new career in driver education.

The driver who accused supermodel Naomi Campbell of assaulting him said Thursday through his lawyer that he “got angry and overreacted” and regrets involving the police......as he thumbed through crisp $100 bills.

At least 15 drivers in the States claim that the Toyota's they own are still accellerating after the "fix".....Toyota now claims they are not responible.....the cars are possessed.

This day in 1496: King Henry VII of England authorises John Cabot and his sons to explore unknown lands...they were lost until they saw land and a big sign that said "Cabot Trail---Next Right"

A new study claims that regular use of aspirin could cause hearing loss in men.....I SAID A NEW STUDY CLAIMS........never mind.....I SAID NEVER MIND!!!!!

Snoop Dogg has won a legal battle to gain entry to the U.K..... three years after government officials banned him from Britain......the Dogg said he is happy that he no longer has to sneak in to the country dressed as Amy Winehouse.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il is reportedly suffering from severe depression........well he hasn't had any female back-packing international spies to torture recently.

Sarah Palin will write a new book reflecting her "patriotic and spiritual values.".....I'm still sounding out the words in her first book.

Scientists wants to give the name "Hella" to a number that is represented by a 1 followed by 27 zeros......that is appropriate......27 is a "hella" of a lot of zeros.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: The True Story is a book coming out soon by author Jenny Paul.....in it she claims Jolie slept with Mick Jagger around the time she appeared in the 1997 Rolling Stones video for Anybody Seen My Baby......"the dingos ate your baby" is what Jagger said to make her vulnerable.

Opposition MPs wasted no time during the first question period in the new session of Parliament to renew their condemnation of Prime Minister Stephen Harper's decision to prorogue Parliament for six weeks.....the Prime Minister responded with "If you start picking on me again....I'm going home"

Have a nice week-end  Twitter for blog updates @ben_burnett  Friend me on Facebook   and don't forget to say HI by e-mailing ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

OH CANADA...HOW DOES THAT GO?

London's Houses of Parliament, also known as Westminster Palace, has rodents, and the peers aren't exactly sure what to do about it......the Queen has offered the services of the Royal Mouse-catcher....."The Earl of Sylvester"

Police have released the identity of a man who was charged after someone without pants tried to get into the Regina mayor's office....it was all a big mistake, no tiolet paper in the parliament washroom......he had heard the mayor had it stored in his office.

Jessica Simpson almost broke down in tears during an interview with Oprah Winfrey over comments John Mayer made about their sex life........mainly because he hasn't called her since.

Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger retired yesterday after landing in Charlotte, North Carolina.....actually Sully landed in the Atlantic for old time sake....he wanted to "go out with a splash"

Finance Minister Jim Flaherty brings down his fifth federal budget with talk of a new jobs strategy......so everybody will have a job tomorrow.....everyone should line up at the employment office, 8:00 AM ready to go.

In St. Petersburg, Florida, police received a report of a suspicious paper bag near the door of a building which houses courtrooms and several government offices......The bomb squad discovered the bag contained a croissant.....dam those French....what if it had egg salad on it!

Researchers have found the fossil remains of a dinosaur cousin that lived 243 million years ago, making it the oldest known dinosaur relative.....never changes....lend your cousin some spare leaves....they disappear!

Lily Allen’s Twitter.com attacks on Courtney Love have turned to pity and concern....."Having read her twitter updates and found them quite hard to decipher, I think she is in trouble and in need of help".....to which the world replied....."Duh"

Rescue crews have freed a worker who had been trapped in a 15-metre-tall corn silo for more than five hours at a grain storage facility 45 kilometres south of Ottawa......the man was in good shape.....except he couldn't stop telling bad jokes.....corny (sigh)

Disgraced Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich spoke at Northwestern University Tuesday night on ethics and morals in government......they tried to get Richard Nixon but.......

A recently found star in a distant dwarf galaxy is supporting the idea that the Milky Way "ate" other galaxies.....astronomers will now refer to the Milky Way as "The Kirstie Alley"

Tiger Woods' caddie Steve Williams says he knew nothing about the golfer's extramarital affairs and was angry with him over the scandal......"He could have at least given me seconds."

A Kentucky sheriff says a claustrophobic deputy has lost his job after accidentally locking himself in a jail cell and trying to shoot his way out of it......I thought Barney Fife had retired.

NFL---The Colts announced Wednesday that Peyton Manning had surgery in Chicago to fix a pinched nerve that was causing a pain the neck...it had to be something....because they released Mike Vanderjagt four years ago.

O Canada! Our home and native land! True patriot love in all thy sons command......they are reviewing our national anthem and will make it gender nuetral.....if we keep consuming atrazine, which changes gender in frogs.....it won't matter.

Gotta go....budget speech is coming on....riveting stuff. Follow me on Twitter for blog posting's @ben_burnett or Facebook  e-mail ben.burnett33@eastlink.ca

NEVER LICK A 3 EYED FISH

This day in 1875: The first ever organized indoor game of ice hockey is played in Montreal, Canada......as well as the first use of the phrase "Leafs Suck".

French Prime Minister Francois Fillon declared his country a "national catastrophe" after a winter storm unleashed hurricane-force winds that battered France....... plunging temperatures to record lows.......the Prime Minister apologized for not having white wine to serve coastal residents while delivering relief pate and fromage.

Same sex marriage is legal in Washington, D.C. as of today......might as well....what happens on a honeymoon happens in D.C. daily regardless of gender.

The 13-year-old son of Jermaine Jackson, Jafar, ordered a stun gun through the mail and had it sent to the Jackson family home.....Jermaine Jackson's children live in the home as well as Michael's children.....who wouldn't if Joe Jackson's hanging around.

Lil Wayne was heading to his sentencing after pleading guilty in a 2007 gun case but a fire shut down the courthouse and postponed the already-delayed proceeding.....it's a government ploy to save money.....they figure sooner or later someone will shoot him anyway.

Researchers at the University of Wisconsin and University of Michigan found that children aged three to five succumbed to the same marketing pressures as young adults....so don't be surprised to find a pony being delivered when you get home today.

One of the most common weed killers in the world, atrazine, can chemically castrate male frogs, turning them into females that lay eggs.....if this evolves up the food chain.....how soon 'til I can go screw myself?

Watching Entertainment Tonight talk about the upcoming Oscar's.....how starved for news are they......I don't care if or how Mo'Nique shaves her legs.

Naomi Campbell’s chauffeur claims the model punched him so hard on the back of the head, that his head hit the steering wheel causing bruises under the eye......no charges.....the police are terrified of her.

Nicolas Chartier, producer of The Hurt Locker, has become the first ever Oscar nominee to be banned from the ceremony...... because he wrote an email asking for votes for his film...“not the $500-million film”.....so that's why I'm not invited.....I ran down Avatar too.

The Chile quake shifted Earth’s axis to shorten length of a day a bit.....so when your late today gentlemen.....try it....."Honey, it's the earthquake, it just seems like I'm late"

Some fish oil capsules sold as health supplements contain trace amounts of PCBs, according to a lawsuit filed Tuesday in California by an environmental group......so no more squeezing oil out of 3 eyed fish.

NHL trade deadline ends soon....I have a no-trade clause. Follow me on Twitter for blog updates, I'm heckling on Facebook and please send me an e-mail just to say "hey" ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

I'M SO VAIN....THAT SONGS ABOUT ME

Scanning sports channels through the day after Olympics.....looks like it's back to the world poker tour. (sigh)

On this day in 1992: Armenia, Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Moldova, San Marino, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan join the United Nations......causing 827 news anchors to shoot themselves.

A new study suggests that surroundings with dim lighting or no lights at all may trigger dishonesty in people.....makes sense.....look at Iran's leader.....Mahmoud Immadimmabulb.

A judge in New York City has granted Ozzy Osbourne permission to move forward with his lawsuit against former bandmate Tony Iommi.........the next step is getting Ozzie to remember what he was sueing for.

Part of downtown Calgary was shut down on Tuesday morning as emergency crews worked to free a man who fell down a manhole......shouldn't he just pop out on another level still reading his newspaper?

Tiger Woods is back at home after a week of family counselling in Arizona.....in other news, a number of night-clubs in Florida had to close due to missing waitresses.

Jerry Brown announces run for California governor......in other news, Linda Ronstad will release a super new record!

German police detained a nightclub reveler they caught trying to snort amphetamines off the top of their unmarked patrol car....he was released after promising never to snort thier drugs again.

The Smithsonian Institution has rejected a donation of the suit O.J. Simpson wore when he was acquitted of murdering his ex-wife and her friend.....as they handed back the coat, a black leather glove fell out of the inner pocket.

Carly Simon has laughed off reports record label boss David Geffen is the man who inspired her hit You're So Vain - branding the assumptions a "funny mistake".....she say's there's a clue in an acoustic version of You're So Vain on her latest album, "Never Been Gone".....could be me.....I live in "Nova Scotia" seen the "total eclipse of the sun".......but, I've never done well at "Saratoga"......I'm "where I should be all the time".....Don't know any "under-world spies".....but I am vain. Stay tuned. @ben_burnett on Twitter,  Friend me on Facebook, send me a howdy at this e-mail ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

SID THE KID!!

I think we just won the gold medal for hockey...I hope so...just woke up in a pile of empties with a chicken wing sticking out of my mouth.

Barack Obama owes Stephan Harper a case of Canadian for winning gold in hockey....Liberal handler's decided their leader Michael Ignatieff, should watch the game at Stornoway.....he couldn't remember who to cheer for. (lived in the states for 30+ years)

Russian President Medvedev is calling for the resignations of it's Olympic officials after its worst-ever performance in Vancouver......"If they don't resign, we will help them," he said, unclipping his holster.

Now the real games begin........bring on the piss test.......who took steroids, who is male, who is female.....who is neither.

Canada's air-security agency has ordered officers to stop the routine screening of travellers of the opposite sex.....the officers asked for more time..."to make sure we feel...er....scan every female athlete leaving Vancouver for...um...safety reasons."

Sony says some PlayStation 3 users are experiencing a connection failure when signing onto the PlayStation Network and is trying to fix what's gone wrong......the company suggests user's try something new while waiting.....like a shower....or looking out the window.

Ontario's medical regulatory body, the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario, has launched a probe into unnecessary mastectomies performed at Windsor hospitals....the missing boobs have been seen at several Ottawa political functions.

A study says it would be technically and economically feasible to build a domed stadium in downtown Regina....it's just not technically and economically feasible to have a sports team in downtown Regina.....the study went on to say...."It could easily be converted into a grain storage facility"

The trial of Syncrude Canada over the deaths of 1,600 ducks in a northern Alberta pond opened Monday with the company asking for a new judge....."we tried to buy this one and we can't....that's not how we roll"

Canadian researchers have developed a new index to score patients being discharged from hospital on their likelihood of dying or being readmitted in the next 30 days.....four key variables being: 1 length of stay in hospital. 2 acuity of the original admission. 3 emergency department use. 4 ownership of a Toyota.

I enjoyed the Olympics more than I thought I would....that's bad when your sarcastic....dam it!!!
Follow me on twitter for blog posts  @ben_burnett  I'm on Facebook and send me an e-mail  ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca