CANADIAN HOCKEY PLAYERS OUT OF CONTROL!

The IOC will investigate the behaviour of some Canadian women's hockey players who celebrated on the ice with cans of beer and bottles of champagne, and smoked cigars with their gold medals draped around their necks after the venue had emptied.....the IOC also said  "while the scratching and belching can be tolerated....they have to stop grabbing the IOC officials by the ass"

Pakistan has agreed to hand over to Afghanistan captured Afghan Taliban number two....the guy must be a real shit. (badumpa kisssh)

Italy's highest court overturned a guilty verdict Thursday for British lawyer David Mills, who was accused of taking a bribe to lie in court in the 1990s to protect Premier Silvio Berlusconi...."Da's all ya need ta know, Kay? Foget about it."

The chief executive of TD Bank, Ed Clark, took a five per cent cut to his paycheque in 2009 ($10.4 million) as the banking industry endured a turbulent year.....I know what your thinking..... another victim of the recession.....how can he go home to his family.

A man who renovates old homes has found and returned the wallet lost by a man more than 60 years ago in Ohio.....old man questions missing $4 dollars.

On this day in 1952, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announces that his nation has an atomic bomb.......turns out to be the corn beef and cabbage Winston had the day before.

Aerosmith have announced their "Cocked, Locked and Ready to Rock" European summer tour - with Steven Tyler.....The band made the announcement Thursday...... It also posted a video on its website in which Tyler, sitting with the rest of the band, jokes: "I just auditioned and I got the gig." .....unfortunately Tyler then tripped over a mic stand and hit his head on the coffee table.

Whitney Houston has suffered another setback in her ongoing tour of Australia...fans walked out of her show in Australia on Wednesday night after the singer's voice began to fail.....reportedly coughing through her set and taking breaks to catch her breath.....she insists everything will be fine as soon as Bobby joins her on the tour.

Madonna's former lover, 23 yr old Jesus Luz was forced to stop his DJ set in Brazil on Sunday after a rowdy clubgoer threw a drink in his face.....prompting him to storm off into a corner, where he reportedly broke down in tears....sobbing, he said "I'm telling my Mommy...or child molester....or what ever she is!"

Doctors say they can now use the HPV vaccine on young boy's as well as young girls......went on to say...."Adam Lambert and Johnny Weir will still have to wait"

NFL----The Pittsburgh Steelers have agreed to a three-year contract with 6' 1"....340 lb Pro Bowl nose tackle Casey Hampton.....mostly because they are terrified.

This is a long one but.....Helena Guergis, minister of state for the status of women, issued an apology Thursday to Charlottetown airport workers and Air Canada staff for throwing a tantrum last week....her and an aide arrived late...she had to be asked twice to remove her footwear.....(must have had a hole in her socks).....when she did, she allegedly "slammed her boots into the bin provided," and said, 'Happy f--king birthday to me. I guess I'm stuck in this hellhole.'"....shouted at her aide to 'Get those for me. I'm not walking around here in sock feet."
And she wasn't done yet.....When an Air Canada employee reminded her that passengers are expected to be at the airport two hours before departure, Guergis allegedly shouted, "I don't need to be lectured about flight time by you. I've been down here working my ass off for you people.".....The PM's office said from now on, "an assistant will walk in front and lay down a cape should her highness have to remove her footwear in the future."

Last week-end for the big O in Vancouver...not Oprah  follow me on Twitter @ben_burnett and Facebook and don't forget to say Hi...e-mail ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

IMA LET YA FINISH..CLARA HUGHES..GREATIST OLYMPIAN OF ALL TIME!!

I am becoming more patient when forced to go on shopping trips...I look forward to Wal-Mart now.....my wife shops while I wait.....I can take a nap on Ronald MacDonald's shoulder.....just wish all those little brats would leave us alone.

The Who frontman Roger Daltrey is desperate to collaborate with Jimmy Page....."He needs a singer to drive him. I'm a great blues singer. I don't sing the blues with The Who, but that's what I used to be before Townsend started writing. I used to be a great blues singer.".....and then he mumbled  "not only that...Townsends a wanker"

Snoop Dogg is in trouble with U.S. tax officials again after allegedly failing to hand over half a million dollars in back payments......The Dog said "Yo, taxman.....I gots my hook-up nephew movin the herb dogs so ya'll just chizzle til the Dog make it right, unnerstan?"

India and Pakistan held wide-ranging discussions Thursday about terrorism, Kashmir and other disputes in the first talks between the rival nations since the 2008 Mumbai attacks....but just before lunch, talks broke down....they couldn't agree whether to have "Butter Chicken" or "Mutton Kozhambu"

Akio Toyoda, the automaker's 53-year-old chief executive and grandson of the founder, says the company grew too fast to keep up with safety controls.....there was an awkward moment during the hearing given the language barrier.....one of the government interns brought in two live chickens instead of the water Toyoda had requested.

A new EKOS poll suggests the Conservatives have opened up a small three-point lead after weeks of being in a virtual tie with the Liberals.......of course they're talking about the "prorogue" ping-pong tournament at Parliament Hill because they sure as Hell aren't doing anything else.

"Canada's Conservative government would be irresponsible to spend billions of dollars to reduce greenhouse gas emissions given the contradictory science available"..... that according to Conservative cabinet minister Maxime Bernier.....that noise you hear in the background?...that's the other Conservative members moving they're chairs away from him.

If you want a Hummer you better get it soon......get your mind out of the gutter.....the deal to sell the division of GM has fallen through......dirty minds!!

Canada's big banks are likely to report lower first-quarter earnings over the next two weeks as their lucrative trading income plunges, analysts say.......bank earnings season kicked off today, with reports from CIBC and National Bank.....they went on to say the other banks haven't finished cooking the books yet.

Go Travel South based in Halifax announced on its website yesterday that it was shutting down due to "economic circumstances."...."Please do not show up at the airport for your flights as they will not be departing," the message read.....a telephone response by the owner couldn't be heard clearly because of a Mariachi band playing in the background.

I want to talk about Canada's greatest athlete of all time....( God, I sound like Kanye West)...not Gretzky, or Howe or Steve Nash or Mike Weir. Clara Hughes,....one of only five people who have won medals in both the Summer and Winter Games, and is the only person ever to have won multiple medals in both. Her total now of 6 medals ties Cindy Klassen as most ever by a Canadian.... She is an 18-time Canadian national cycling champion. In 2006, after she won gold in the 5000m skate, she donated $10,000 dollars, of her own money, to Right to Play, an organization that improves the plight of children in impoverished, war-torn areas. Canada didn't hand out medal money then. Probably the thing about her that I will remember the most was the medal ceremony at the 2006 Winter Games in Turin. When they started playing Oh Canada, Clara grabbed Cindy Klassen, who had won silver, hauled her up to the top level and "forced" her to sing along. I'm sure it's on Youtube, if you ever need some national pride, check it out. She is fantastic!

Dats it dats all for today folks....Can vs U.S. womens hockey tonight....(hope there's a fight...you know...pull the jerseys off :) @ben_burnett for twitter, e-mail ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca and I'm on Facebook....so face me if you dare!

BEACH BOYS SET UP SHOP IN B.C.

According to Outside Magazine, which recently released their 2010 Editor's Choice Awards, Tofino, B.C. is the best surf town in North America.....upon hearing this the remaining Beach Boys say they will move to B.C. and rewrite all their hits. "Everbody's gone surfin...surfin Can-a-da."

Courtney Love has launched a vicious verbal attack on John Mayer for opening up about his sex life with his former celebrity girlfriends..... insisting she would never have anything to do with him......after hearing this Mayer returned the "full-body condom" he had ordered.


Agents of Canada's spy agency CSIS, who travelled to Egypt and corresponded with Egyptian officials, indirectly led to the torture of a Toronto man by authorities there......CSIS responded today saying....."of course we went to Egypt...we couldn't torture him in Canada"

British Prime Minister Gordon Brown apologized for his country's participation in a 19th-century program in which poor children were sent overseas from London's slums to labour in British colonies......the early settlers tried to use the natives.....but they wouldn't stop playing bingo.

Windsor City Council voted Monday night to contact Google and ask the internet giant to return and take photographs of the Ontario city again.....photographs captured the city in the middle of a 15-week civic workers' strike.....images of a homicide scene outside Leopard's Lounge strip club, complete with police cars and yellow tape.....Google defended the pictures by simply pointing across the river at Detroit.

A Statistics Canada report on life expectancy has put the new number at 81 years.....the Harper government is planning a systematic cull to save money.....the Health minister suggested starting with the Senate...."We believe over half of them are dead already"

Disgrunted Russian figure skater Evgeni Plushenko, still angry over not receiving a gold medal in Vancouver, has now awarded himself a “platinum” medal on his website.....the IOC responded with...."We felt Mr. Plushenko had too many vowels in his first name for a Gold"

According to reports, Tiger Woods has sent a letter to his children's school, apologizing for the media attention......Tiger has compiled an "apology list".....next he and his brother Randy will set off  "to make it right....you know Karma?"

Researchers at California's San Diego Zoo studied the behavior of female elephants, and found that they use a "secret language".......which can also be heard at your local hair-dressers.

Charlie Sheen...let's recap....once shot a girlfriend in the arm, overdosed on cocaine, split up with Denise Richards in a flurry of accusations about drug use and violence and implied paedophilia, believes 9/11 was an inside job, and most recently was arrested for allegedly attacking his own wife on Christmas day.......has followed his wife Brooke Mueller into rehab, which has caused a temporary suspension in Two And A Half Men production....man...never saw that coming!

Canada vs Russia tonight....hold my calls please....Twitter @ben_burnett  e-mail ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca and I'm on Facebook...usually heckling people.

AHMADIMMABULB GROWING FLOWERS ?

Tennis star Rafael Nadal will appear in a new Shakira video......perfect.....in the video he can pull her shorts out of her ass too.

Iran is denying that it plans to build two new uranium enrichment plants....Ahmadimmabulb said it is a translation mistake....they actually said "geranium" enrichment

The first guest to visit Jay Leno’s return to The Tonight Show will be former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin.....they won't need any jokewriters for that show......Jay won't even need to speak.

Scientists have successfully transplanted much of a human liver into a mouse......but given the size differance....it now looks like a liver with tiny ears and a twitchy nose.

The Guinness Book of Records says a 250-pound blue Great Dane from Arizona is the tallest dog ever on record......of course the "dirtiest" dog on record is still Tiger Wood's.

An image of an ant lifting 100 times its body weight taken by a zoologist won first prize in a science photography contest......only one other photo like it exists.....Tom Arnold carrying Roseanne over the thresh-hold.

Illegal gambling has spread rapidly across Russia since a new law came into force last July banning casinos and slots machines.....the gambling places are easy to spot....just look for the "Dogs playing Poker" picture above the back room door.

Teen sensation Justin Bieber was forced to cut short an in-store appearance in Paris, France on Monday after thousands of fans descended on the venue......the event quickly resumed when the French realized it wasn't Danny DeVito.

Nfld. Premier Danny Williams says he knew his trip to the United States for heart surgery earlier this month would cause controversy, but he said his personal health is more important then any public fallout over the decision......."I'm probably going to be around for a long time, hopefully, if God willing," he said.....much to the dismay of "Steve" and the boys in Ottawa.

The Canadian Olympic Committee raised the white flag Monday on the host team's goal of finishing first overall in the medal count.....we will not "own" the podium.....we never will......the "mortgage" is too high.

A new report from Harvard University states, Canada has some of the slowest and most expensive internet access in the developed world.....and they said our Olympic hockey team is the same.

Tough regulations governing the U.S. credit card industry took effect on Monday...a spokesperson said "It's in nobody's interest to lend people money they can't afford to repay".....unless it's 1890 and you own a coal mine.

MLB---Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Manny Ramirez has indicated that 2010 will be his final season with the team.....he said he plans to join the Dominican Ladies Soccer team.

The New England Patriots have pinned the franchise tag on Pro Bowl nose tackle Vince Wilfork.....and how do you pin a tag on a 6ft 2", 330 lb football player....VERY CAREFULLY

Getting ready for the big Can. vs Ger. hockey match tonight...I may tweet tonight....@ben_burnett....e-mail ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca  and I'm on Facebook

NEW IOC RULE STATES HOCKEY GAMES WILL NOW BE PLAYED ON PAPER

Olympic organizers have stocked the Olympic Village with 100,000 condoms....they must have thought basketball was a winter sport.

A recently released Toyota document from last year cites millions of dollars in savings by delaying safety regulations, avoiding defect investigations and slowing down other industry requirements......GM execs exclaimed "You can do that?"

Someone lit a cross on fire and yelled racial slurs outside the home of an interracial couple in a Nova Scotia community early Sunday, RCMP say......in other news....church leaders are rallying members to help stamp out what they call "the Devil's tool, rock and roll music!!!!".

Major League Baseball has banned guns and other deadly weapons from the clubhouse…….but a special rule states A-Rod can still bring in Kate Hudson.

A statue depicting U.S. President Barack Obama as a boy was installed at his former elementary school in Jakarta, Indonesia, on Sunday after it was removed from a local park amid controversy over its suitability.....officials say "When we see his birth certificate, we will put it back in the park".

The annual wedding dress sale was last week in New York City. Women shove each other in the store for a deal…..the women are crazy…. you would think it was the last case of beer in the place.

In the UK, the Science and Technology Committee found no evidence that homeopathy, based on herbal medicines, is effective, according to a report published Monday.....the committee will take questions from reporters after they finish their relaxing and sedative "Catnip Tea".

The man who invented the "Easy-Bake" oven has died at age 83....the service will be held in a tiny room with one 60W bulb.

A Nova Scotia-based school is eager for an investigation into the sinking of its ship off Brazil and the two days that 64 students and staff spent in life-rafts......The Skipper and Gilligan were not available for comment.

Andrew Koenig, who played the character of Richard "Boner" Stabone on the TV series Growing Pains in the 1980s, has gone missing in Vancouver. He was last seen by friends on Valentine's Day.....sliding down the Luge track on his back with the American Flag attached to his......nickname.

A man who is only 22 inches tall left his home country of Nepal on Sunday in a quest to be recognized as the world's shortest man......the Hilton family have hired the man as an assistant for Paris.....he will report back to the family should there be any, ahem, wardrobe malfunctions.

EMI Group Ltd., which owns the legendary Abbey Road Studios in London where the Beatles recorded their last album, says the studios are not for sale after all......Sir Paul McCartney has blocked the sale saying "They can't sell it, I lost my shoes in there!"....(under 40?.....see cover of "Abby Road")
 
Australian promoters of AbbaWorld are on the hunt for a missing white jumpsuit that Abba's Agnetha Faltskog wore during the group's 1977 Australian tour......rumors are circulating that it may have been destroyed.....the last known owner was "Super Dave Osbourne".

Pope Benedict XVI spoke out against the use of body scanners at airports during an audience with airport workers and officials at the Vatican on Sunday.....unless Catholic priests were put in charge.....of course "pat-downs" will be included then.

Next up for our Canadian Men's hockey team, Germany....if we lose....you will find me on the tallest building in town....learning to fly....tweets @ben_burnett.....e-mail ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca  and face me on friendbook....or something.

GAGA IS OUR SAVIOUR

Elton John has sparked a storm of internet protest after suggesting Jesus Christ was gay in a new online interview......in another stunning revelation he said...."And he has come to save us, in his earthly form as Lady GaGa"

A Maryland state legislator wants to propose a new state law that would ban marriages between first cousins.....a spokesperson from Alabama was quoted...."Next thing ya know, you won't even be able to marry yer little sister"

For an hour or so on Thursday afternoon, Gordie Lightfoot was reported to have died...."If You Could Read My Mind" was a big hit for him.....Gordies 71 now.....he wishes somebody could read his mind and change his "Depend"

People around the world can now go online to peek inside the den of a rare kermode bear in British Columbia while the animal hibernates.......or the Dupont website has a wonderful expose on paint drying.

Susan Boyle sparked fresh fears for her health after collapsing at a London airport on Tuesday morning.....incredibly she didn't drop her plate of haggis and mushie peas....she was later cleared to fly....off on a broom.

The FBI is investigating the motive of a man who set his house on fire and killed himself and at least one other person when he crashed his plane into a Texas tax agency office......Officials said that 54-year-old Joe Stack had left a six-page self-described "rant" dated Thursday and signed "Joe Stack (1956-2010)".......you don't suppose that had anything to do with it.

Steven Tyler has confirmed he's returning to Aerosmith for summer festival shows in Europe, insisting he's "excited" about the prospect of playing live again......early line in Vegas has Tyler falling off the stage at the first concert at 2-1......Joe Perry "axeing" him with a Gibson at 5-1 and back to rehab within six months is even money right now.

One of “American Idol’s” latest rumors has Liam Gallagher from Oasis fame as a replacement for Simon Cowell......perfect....then get his brother Noel at the other end of the panel and let the games begin.

Pres. Obama met with the Dalai Lama at the White House, Thursday.....VP Joe Biden remarked that you can make a really nice sweater out of their hair.

A scientist with the U.S. Geological Survey announced that metals known as “Rare Earth" are in short supply....well ya....they haven't put out an album since the 70's and they were Motown sound not metal.

The president of Toyota Motors says he will testify before a Congressional committee about auto recalls.....he will re-iterate that he does not take steroids and he wants to talk about the future, not the past.

An L.A. judge ruled Thursday that Chris Brown, who is on probation for assaulting his then girlfriend Rihanna, can travel out of the United States for concerts. The countries Brown is permitted to travel to weren't immediately disclosed......insiders say it will be in the middle east.....where Brown says "they know how to treat a woman"

Have to run.....Miller and I are in the 2-man sled race at the Olympics tomorrow......follow me on twitter...ben_burnett.....or send me an e-mail    ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca    and  I'm on Facebook.

THE TENNESSEE TUT

Researchers say King Tut's parents were brother and sister.....ahh......that explains why they found a banjo in the tomb.

Argentina has escalated its fight with Britain over oil drilling rights in the Falkland Islands.....it's a UN plan.....every 25 yrs or so they let the British attack Argentina to boost moral.

New studies show that obese men tend to have sperm that are less mobile than those produced by thinner men.....but they get a better parking spot.

A Scottish terrier named Sadie won Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show.......already a Lab-collie mix.....a beagle with a large tongue.....and a Dachsund with no papers are claiming to have had her.

A Pennsylvania woman is accused of missing twice, but finally striking, her 21-year-old son with a Louisville Slugger baseball bat.....the third swing he was hanging in the strike zone....it'll get better as the season rolls on.

Golfer Tiger Woods will speak publicly for the first time Friday since his problems started......he will announce he's quitting pro golf to join the Cincinnati Bengels.

British police have arrested a BBC television anchor after he told viewers he carried out a mercy killing on a former gay lover.....he won't say who or when it was.....the former lover wasn't sick.....he wanted to paint their bedroom mauve....GASP!

Love letters and telegrams written by J.F.K. to a 21-year old Swedish beauty Gunilla Post whom he met on the Riveria in 1953 are going up for auction.....the romance ended abrubtly after JFK crashed a window smashed Caddie into a fire hydrant.

Mattel unveiled their new "Geek Barbie" dressed in spangled leggings and wearing a Bluetooth headset..... she was a last-minute replacement for "Wall Street Barbie" who was last seen boarding a plane for the Caymen Islands.

Rapper Jay-Z has been caught up in a race scandal following allegations security at his BRIT Awards afterparty on Tuesday banned white people from entering the VIP area.....in a hastily prepared statement.....Jay-Z said "y'all learn how to dance and next year your in!"

Underwear manufacturer Triumph is accusing Beyonce of wearing lingerie in her Video Phone promo that is a direct copy of one of their designs......I will have to study these photos more closely and get back to you.

Janie Hendrix, who controls Jimi's estate, has confirmed there will be a Hendrix edition of Rock Band before the end of 2010, marking the 40th anniversary of his death......each game comes with 12 hits of acid.

A wildlife photographer who planned to spend the winter living in a remote trailer in the wilderness of northeastern B.C. narrowly escaped starving to death after he failed to pack enough provisions.....after being rescued by the RCMP, the man said his only visitor was an unusually large hairy man who demanded his film.

Newspaper Headline: "Conservatives and Liberals remain tied...... in voter support"......dam....I was hoping it would say "to the back of a bus"

HOTSCAKES DAHLING!!!

Fidel Castro became the leader of Cuba on this day in 1959. And all indications are he plans to run for a second term......at lunch today in his Havana nursing home...he will be told he's dining on the heart of JFK.
Archaeologists opened King Tut’s tomb on this date in 1923.......discovering that Tut was indeed a "Wild and Crazy Guy!!!!"

The DuPont company patented nylon stockings on this day in 1937......to the delight of bank-robbers and perverts around the world

Anti-sealing people are in town to protest the govt authorized cull on Hay Island.....wonder if the ninja protesters from the Olympics will be there.....not too many windows to break on an ice-berg.

That professor in Alabama that shot and killed three people last week was cleared in the mysterious shooting death of her brother in 1986.....suspected of a bomb threat in 1993.....former VP Dick Cheney said "It's people like her we need on the ground in Afganistan"

In other news....."A record number of professors were tenured in the Southern U.S. yesterday."

I figure our provincial politicians are leading by example so today I ordered a 50" TV....2 laptops...a laser printer...some patio furniture...and a generator.....I feel I'm "entitled"....wonder if the boss feels the same way?

I read my horoscope this morning, and it said, "Don't believe anything you read"

A study says that women's natural scent attracts men more than any perfume......yep.....especially if she smells like bacon and Budweiser.

Scientists are getting close to developing flowers with custom scents through genetic engineering........won't make any differance.....your neighbours dog will piss on them anyway.

Yesterday was Pancake Tuesday....or is it Shrove Tuesday....maybe Fat Tuesday.....yep that fits.

Finance Minister Jim Flaherty has announced new rules aimed at preventing homebuyers from getting into financial difficulty when mortgage rates rise......55 yr old man gets a 35 year mortgage.....what could go wrong?

Ireland's bishops and Pope Benedict XVI wrapped up talks at the Vatican Tuesday aimed at regaining the trust of Catholics shaken by revelations of clergy sex abuse and coverup.......the summit was held in a special chapel called....."Our Lady of Perputual Denial"

I have to tidy up the house.....it would be embarassing if CSI found this mess....follow me on twitter....ben_burnett  and friend me on facebook   e-mail   ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

HAPPY "MON" DAY

Monday is "Presidents' Day" in the U.S.…"Family Day" in Ontario….. "Louis Riel Day" in Manitoba and "Islander Day" in Prince Edward Island…….Of course here in Nova Scotia it’s...."Mon" Day.

Some Americans are upset with NBC coverage of the winter games.....watching the Olympics this afternoon.....CTV has men's downhill......NBC has cross-country skiing....now I know what WTF means.


People who drink at least two sugary pop or soda a week have an increased risk of developing cancer of the pancreas, and researchers suspect the culprit is sugar, a new study shows……what isn’t bad for you…..I think we're down to broccoli and tree bark.

Red grapes and dark chocolate join blueberries, garlic, soy, and teas as ingredients that starve cancer while feeding bodies,…….just in time for valentines…….of course the study was funded by Gallo and Hersheys.

If you have relatives in the U.K….perhaps you should touch base…..A ticketholder has won 56 million pounds on the EuroMillions lottery, easily becoming the country's biggest ever lottery win………92 million canadian……..that’s a lot of bangers and mash.

I found a Valentine card that said, "Everything I have is yours."..... So I bought it for Steven Harper.

Feb 15…Canada's new national Maple Leaf flag was first raised on Parliament Hill in Ottawa on this day in 1965……caused quite a flap…(sigh)

I'm on facebook and twitter....ben_burnett for tweets or e-mail me....... ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

ORDER YOUR HAITIAN HERE...WE TAKE PAY-PAL

The UN refugee agency says its goodwill ambassador Angelina Jolie is in Haiti to meet with earthquake victims......poor Brad.....she'll likely come home with 50 kids.

Actually Jolie just told CNN she is only there to help all children right now.....but, agencies are worried that adopting Haitians could become a fad......"Has your Haitian arrived yet"....."No, had to return ours, it didn't speak English"....."Imagine!".....

Kate Gosselin has a new book, "I Just Want You to Know," scheduled for release in April......you can read that....or stab yourself in the thigh with scissors.

Ellen DeGeneres, the newest judge on "American Idol," says Simon Cowell is "meaner" than she thought.........and "his breasts are bigger then mine"

Nearly eight months after Michael Jackson's death, the official autopsy report in the pop star's death has finally been released...... "Acute Propofol Intoxication" was the cause of Jackson's death.....in other news Kirstie Alley is still fat.

Men look forward to Valentine's Day about as much as women look forward to the Super Bowl.....It's all a guilt trip thought up by women...."we put up with football all year....blah, blah...."

The Space Shuttle Endeavour arrived to a warm welcome at the International Space Station early Wednesday.....well that's a bit of an understatement.....they finally delivered the required parts to fix the tiolet

A new study suggests water levels could rise 2 1/2 feet by the next century along the eastern coast of Nova Scotia......just an excuse to raise transportation costs because Europe is farther away.

Canadian astronaut Bob Thursk who has spent more time in space than any other Canadian was given an honoury degree at the University of Calgary......he still doesn't have his "earth legs".....they led him in on a rope like a balloon at the Macy's parade.

A man in Tennessee wants to convert his house into a combination music hall and Jewish sperm bank........I got nothing....

Starting to embrace Facebook a little more....it is fun to chat with people you haven't seen in years.....some of them.....not embracing Farmville.....I grew up in Farmville.

In Liburn, Georgia, a man walked into Walmart, grabbed a baseball bat
and then smashed 29 television sets......some people just can't get over Peyton's pick in the Superbowl. (assist to the comic giant Jerry Perisho) see his link at right-----> right Jerry!

Former U.S. President Bill Clinton is doing well after having a heart procedure yesterday.....the operation was done in Newfoundland because a patient cancelled last week.

OLYMPICS WITH NO SNOW

The Olympic committee re-iterated their dilligence in testing for doping of athletes at the Vancouver winter games......boy, did they pick the wrong province.

The Olympic committee announced today that a 5% ticket rebate will be given to spectaters that bring a cooler full of snow.

An Australian study suggests that a global drop in oxygen levels may have been the driver that led ancient fish to leave the water and evolve into the first air-breathing animals on land.....not whale farts as was previously thought.

Yarmouth MLA Richard Hurlburt has resigned in the wake of the spending controversy involving several Nova Scotia politicians....isn't it funny how the ones that "protest too much" are the guilty ones.....bet he would have bought a cheaper TV if he'd known he was going to have to pay for it.

Then it was revealed that Progressive Conservative Leader Karen Casey knew about the TV last week.....she didn't want to say anything because it was her weekend for the TV.

Mike Tyson is in Europe performing on Italy's version of "Dancing With The Stars".....going great until Mike bit off his partners ear.

The President of Toyota bowing to the world as an apology is an ancient custom where, if you can see the back of his neck, it means you can take off his head.....suddenly, Wall St. executives are grabbing the back of their necks.

Because of another snowstorm in Washington, only essential government workers have to show up to their offices today.....much like Ottawa, the problem is finding an essential government worker.

On his prime-time show Monday, Jay Leno said that it was good to see his old friend David Letterman for the taping of the Superbowl ad......what.....smell?.....oh, that's Conan O'Brien lighting cigars with hundreds.

"This is Lil Wayne going to jail. Nobody can tell me what that's like," the rapper told Rolling Stone magazine for its latest issue. "I just say I'm looking forward to it."......yep...."Lil Wayne....I'm Big Dog.....yer bunkin wit me"

This day in 1974: Phil Spector was seriously injured in a car accident between Los Angeles & Phoenix. He received multiple injuries & underwent extensive plastic surgery which altered his looks. The details of this accident remain a mystery to this day.....the accident gave him the creepy look to go along with the creepy mind.
 
After 3 federal appeals, The B.C. Appeal Court has ruled that provinces, not the federal government, have jurisdiction for health care, which includes services such as supervised injection sites for addicts of illegal street drugs.....Mark Townsend, executive director of Portland Health Society said yesterday "We wish Stephen Harper would stop wasting court time and the taxpayers' money and start helping to solve the drug problem in our community,".....you and about 30 million other people Mark.

Follow me on Twitter and Facebook....if you don't mind being lost.
ben_burnett for tweets or e-mail me ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

SUPER BOWL SUNDAY = TIOLET BOWL MONDAY

Sunday’s Super Bowl game was watched by more TV viewers than any other show in U.S. television history.....Las Vegas odds-makers say the Indianapolis Colts are favoured to win the 2011 Super Bowl, next February....Detroit Lions are under-dogs again.....just ahead of our local high school team.

After Peyton Manning's interception in the Superbowl Sunday, Brett Favre called Peyton Manning to offer condolences....he told Peyton he can't remember ever throwing one like that in a big game though.

LAPD and DA's office in California fight over the way Dr Conrad Murray is arrested...cuffs or no cuffs....catered or not.....the circus begins.....

The District of Columbia digs out from a snowstorm. It is huge. In fact, Washington hasn’t seen this much white since Marion Barry was Mayor.

A nineteen-year-old New Zealand girl auctioned her virginity online for thirty-two thousand dollars last week. She won't reveal the name of the winning bidder......in other news Warren Beatty began filming in New Zealand this week....OH.....now I get it.....Warren gets it.

A 12 year old student in New York City was arrested for doodling on her school desk.....she was later hired by the Feds when they discovered she had doodled the cure for the economic crisis.

A 3 point earth-quake hit New Brunswick over the week-end.....guy's if it was at that crucial point.....go with it......It was YOU that made the earth move!

Tough economic times have made a bigger market for cheaper brands of alcohol......actually Aqua Velva is nice....get it at the drug store.....comes in different colours, so you can make shooters....there's something about an Aqua Velva Man!!!

Groaner alert....An Australian man set a record by swallowing eighteen 28-inch-long swords.....at the celebration afterwards the man couldn't eat....he said everything had a metallic taste.

McDonald's in Italy is introducing the new McItaly Burger -- Italian beef, Asiago cheese and artichoke spread.......they have a strange TV commercial where Ronald McDonald dressed as a Mafia don stuffs the "Burger King" into the trunk of a black Cadillac.

A 5.7 earthquake shook southern Mexico, Monday.....turns out it was just the "fall out" of the nation wide burrito-eating contest the day before.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are suing the world......oh wait... it's a newspaper called News Of The World, which last month reported that Brad and Angelina were on the brink of a split....they claim to be in love....how could Angelina Jolie really love Brad Pitt? After all, he has got a beard that makes him look like he put glue onto his chin and rubbed it on a wire-haired terrier.

BREAKING NEWS----Toyota buy's “Zoom, zoom, zoom” song from Mazda until the accelerator problem is fixed.

The Nova Scotia Speaker's Office released the names Monday of all politicians with expense claims deemed excessive or inappropriate by the auditor general.....On his first day back to work after a two-week vacation in Arizona, Premier Daryl Dexter said he regrets his claims for $2,100 for a digital camera and $5,500 for two high-end laptops....$2,750 each.....Hey Daryl.....our laptop cost $500.....bet the solitaire game is the same!!

An Alaskan dentist fixed the injured beak of a bald eagle using a temporary crown and putty...... Now the eagle is asking while they are at it if they can do something about the white head....maybe some streaks and highlights.

Gotta go....putting away the NFL stuff and dragging out the NASCAR goodies.....Daytona 500 this Sunday....good ol boys are confused.....they have their Superbowl at the start of the season!!

ben_burnett for tweets or e-mail me ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

AHHHHH.....TRANQUILLITY!!!!

When the space shuttle Endeavor travels to the space station this month, it will be carrying a new living chamber called Tranquillity....psst.....that's what I call the bathroom downstairs nobody else uses

The demolition of Giants Stadium got started Thursday......then halted when the rear bumper of a '75 Caddy was discovered with a personalized license plate..... "HOFFA"

Probably a good thing govt is proroguing......if they were in Ottawa they would just be coming up with more ways to spend our money....I don't have any more

Hollywood's Walk of Fame will honour Ringo Starr with a star.....should be a horseshoe.......he IS the luckiest man in history.

Should be a prize given for a fast food place that actually gives you a burger that looks like the commercial.....I thought to myself today while picking ketchup soaked onions off my shirt

MTV has made a deal with the cast of "Jersey Shore" to return for a second season.... Snooki, The Situation, and the rest escaping the cold Northeast for a warmer destination.....a week or two in the deep south hanging with red necks would be entertaining.

How far could you take the driver distraction issue.....should we still talk to passengers.... change the radio station....what about the 3 toddlers in the back seat...I'm just sayin

BREAKING NEWS....No Shit.....my wife is watching Oprah and a woman from Toronto went into labour an hour ago and Oprah opened her live show with a call from the hospital.....the woman was bummed because she missed the show......the big O said she'll fly her back when she's ready.....awww.....turn it off.

Remember the devastating elbow Patrice Cormier delivered a few weeks ago in the QMJHL....suspended for the rest of the season....Lou Lamarillo from the NJ Devils who owns his ass said "The hit wasn't that bad"....traded him to Atlanta in the Ilya Kovulchuk deal yesterday.....mmmm

Another new Tiger mistress comes forward......that makes 16?....she is protesting a company that is picturing all the mistresses on golf balls claiming it promotes abuse....you just can't make this stuff up

This whole Toyota thing.....gas pedal sticking on some.....brakes faulty on others.....this has been in the works by the Japanese since the end of WW2....."Bcome woolds wajest ka maka, den all yankee commit hari kari wit kaas"

One of the terrorists arrested in the UK this week say's "a bomb that can destroy a building can be built in an hour"....he said "The real problem is finding underwear that big"

A zoo in Atlanta is delivering two Panda bears to China.....what would you tip a bear delivery guy?

Gotta go....remember...I search the web for nonsense so you don't have to....ben_burnett for tweets or e-mail me....... ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

"Lost" is on, I can't find it!!!

The first show for the final season of “Lost” was on Tuesday night....I couldn't find it in the TV guide.

Scientists have detected glimmers of awareness in some vegetative brain-injury patients and have even communicated with one of them......although the "awareness" was some what embarrassing when the male patient was shown a picture of Pam Anderson.

Nova Scotia's auditor general slammed the Province's expense system Wednesday and said several politicians had filed "excessive and unreasonable" claims....I think the same thing has happened in other Provinces, Ottawa and the States.....you don't think politicians are all the same do you?....Na.

Jamaican bobsled team banned from Vancouver Olympics...the British Columbian government fears the lucrative bud industry could become infected.

University students have protested against Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez all week over the shutting down of TV stations.....next week it's "All Hugo, All The Time"

 Tom Scholz from the '70's group "Boston", is urging fans to beware of impostors - after learning a club promoter lost $5,000.......the promoter said he had “More than a Feeling”

Cosmopolitan proclaims the thong to be dead....the hot undergarment for women is boy shorts....hah...I'll be the judge of that!!

An Australian newspaper reports that Tiger Woods could be out of sex rehab and back on the links in two weeks...unconfirmed....I don't like to name drop, but I'll let you know when Tig gets back to me...OK

Just a little hurt that my wife refuses to re-instate me as VP of her E-bay company.......something about irregularities in the book-keeping.

Since Michael Jackson overdosed on elephant strength anaesthetic last summer, Dr. Conrad Murray has found himself being blamed for his death.....kind of feel for the guy.....he was balls-deep in debt......probably thought, “I can make a fortune off this freak”...and then...DOH!

What is with the hand gestures young people use today.....I have asked what they mean....people doing them don't know.......one suggests Los Angeles gang signs......then why is a 12 yr old in Fencepost Saskatchewan doing them?

And one from my buddy Jerry Perisho......"If Toyota thinks its accelerator pedals are sticky pains in the ass.... just wait until they meet the class-action attorneys there"

Benny's Rant Today:  Mary J. Blige and a “super-group” of others including Idol's Randy Jackson, plan to re-record Led Zeppelin's “Stairway to Heaven”........NO-NO-NO!!!.....some things you don't touch.....it was a “super-group” that recorded it in the first place!!   THEY MUST BE STOPPED!!

That will be it for today, don't forget to drop me a line, if your lucky, I won't respond. I'm on facebook and twitter....ben_burnett for tweets or e-mail me....... ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

Can't Think of a Title

CBS’ “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains,” the reality series’ 20th season, premiering Feb. 11....Richard Hatch, who was convicted in 2006 of failing to pay taxes on the $1 million he earned for winning the Borneo-set first season of “Survivor” in 2000 denied on show....too bad, Hatch said he would have taken to the next level, not only naked, but with a banana shoved up his ass.

30th Razzie nominations are out.....no big surprises...except for Sandra Bullock, Oscar nod for "The Blind Side", Razzie nod for “All about Steve”....could be a first....naw, not with Paris Hilton in the running

Harvey Levins TMZ brought in 15 million in ad revenue last year.....(nobody watches those shows).....Levin is now hiring for TMZ Sports, figures he can pester them as well.....”I don't really see a difference between a sports star and a celebrity"........has he seen a pissed off Shaq?

Underwear bomber talking now, giving intelligence.........intelligence and underwear bomber in the same sentence?

Ex Guns and Roses guitar player Slash is offering fans the chance to join him in the studio - he's launched a contest which will see one lucky devotee record an album with the legendary guitarist.......then a year later he'll launch a huge smear campaign denying any involvement

Western governments reacted skeptically Wednesday to Iran's offer to send its uranium abroad for enrichment and ease global tensions over its nuclear program.....On Tuesday, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said his country is prepared to follow the UN request.....German president suggests his eyes are too close together

More Mahmoud.....he kills me....well, hope not......Iran announced Wednesday it has successfully launched a three-metre-long research rocket carrying a mouse, two turtles and worms into space....President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said it showed Iran could defeat the West in the battle of technology....he shouted while riding it into space wearing a cowboy hat and spurs

Madonna is said to be single again after the 23 yr old Brazilian underwear model called off their relationship.......he finally learned how to add.....let's see, when i'm 30, she'll be....EEWWW!!!

My birthday was Jan 29, there's still birth-day cake left....stale.....apparently I don't get fresh dessert, "Well it's your b-day cake!!!!".....“No respect” I say while adjusting invisible tie

A court has dismissed a case against baseball announcer Bob Uecker for claiming that a woman was stalking him......... the court felt the statements were......”juuuusssst a bit outrageous”.

Honeybees can recognize faces, according to researchers........”hey that's the prick who swatted at me yesterday.......I'm gonna sting his ass!!!!

More than 75 stars gathered to re-record the 1985 charity anthem "We are the World" in the same Hollywood recording studio where the original was cut 25 years ago....fortunately Michael Jackson's head has not been buried yet, so he was there as well.

My vote for the most pretentious commercial.....Mercedes E-class....”This is Mercedes Benz” ....come in to a dealer, if your worthy we may sell you one......only way it could be worse.....said in a German accent.

That's it that's all folks.....I'm on facebook and twitter and assorted meds....ben_burnett for tweets or e-mail me....... ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

GROUNDHOG DAY

It is Groundhog day. Our local rodent "Two Rivers Tunnel" didn't see his shadow...but elsewhere, Wiarton Willie and Punxsawtawney Phil did.......too bad for the rest of North America....PETA wants Phil replaced with a robot.....do these people not have jobs...lives....

PETA must have money, they just hired Toronto's version of Johnny Cochrane...Clayton Ruby to fight a zoo in Edmonton over an elephant they feel is too cold.....nobody ever asks the elephants what they want.

In the U.S., House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has spent tens of thousands of dollars on booze and snacks aboard airforce jets in the last two years.....snacks?......how can the woman eat, her mouth is frozen in place.

A poll says 3/4 of travellers feel that obese people should have to pay for an extra seat.....or at least part of the fare of the person sitting next to them who has to share a fat arm

Lawyers representing Steven Tyler have contacted Aerosmith's manager threatening legal action unless the band halts auditions for a replacement singer....where would Aerosmith find another addicted aging rocker to fill in........one second, the phones ringing

Meanwhile, Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood has checked into a London rehab in a bid to kick his booze addiction.....his eighth stint in rehab......sadly he doesn't remember the other times.

Newfoundland Premier Danny Williams will be sidelined for up to 12 weeks because of heart surgery he'll undergo at an undisclosed location in the States........wait times a little too long here Danny?

Musing: Wouldn't it be great if you could communicate with other cars around you instantly....enter the plate number or something......it would be much safer and reduce road rage...."Yea, I'm the guy in the blue 4X4 behind you, if you don't get out of my @&%$# way, I'm coming over top!!!"

Pres. Obama's budget cuts funding for moon flights and may hurt Canada's space program.....opens up space travel for private business though.....I'd sooner travel with Richard Branson......he'll serve champagne and caviar

Toronto Raptors are playing well lately......soooo, an injury to Chris Bosh shouldn't be far off.

Watching "The Score" today, suffered through an episode of  "Cabbie Unlimited"......I wish he was "limited"

We need an Ottawa Political TMZ type show.....follow MP's around......while they prorogue

Poor little Justin Beiber screwed up his Grammy intro the other night, said Beyonce when he should have said Bon Jovi.......it was no mistake......the kid is a little hound-dog......his face comes up to her boobs

What is with Lady Antebellum, country music?........yep, just add a twang and it's called country

When Kings of Leon won the Grammy.... hoping Kanye would show up on stage.....whats wrong Kanye, too many of them?  Not 19 yr old girls?

Olympics in Vancouver soon....I think they should move basketball to the winter games, it would garner more interest with our American friends.......of course none of the U.S. players would make it over the border....give us a better chance

Some worry about snow conditions for the Olympic games and venues being complete....nobody is asking the tough questions......are there enough Porta-potties?

I'm on facebook and twitter and  assorted meds....ben_burnett for tweets or e-mail me....... ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca

NOT YOUR GRAMMA'S GRAMMY'S

THE FOLLOWING IS WRITTEN IN AMERICAN.....TO TRANSLATE INTO CANADIAN, PLACE THE WORD "EH" WHERE YOU FEEL APPROPRIATE

GRAMMY'S LAST NIGHT....MISSED ELTON JOHN AND LADY GAGA.......PROBABLY DRESSED THE SAME ANYWAY

LIKED PINK'S PERFORMANCE, LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS BEING CARRIED BY A STORK.......IT WAS GOING GREAT UNTIL SHE PISSED ALL OVER THE CROWD

BLACK EYED PEAS PERFORMED, THE ONLY WORDS I COULD UNDERSTAND WERE   "I'M A BE"......CLOSED OUT SONG WITH THE STATEMENT "WELCOME TO THE FUTURE"......IF THATS THE FUTURE I HOPE WE DON'T HAVE TO DRESS LIKE THAT.

BEST NEW BAND......I DIDN'T KNOW ANY OF THEM............HOPE THE WINNERS GOOD, WE HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEM NOW

LEON RUSSELL SOUNDED A LOT LIKE WILLIE NELSON.............PRETTY SURE LEON DIDN'T KNOW WHERE HE WAS

IRONY:  THIS DATE IN 1963, NEIL YOUNG PLAYED HIS FIRST GIG AS PART OF THE "SQUIRES" AT A COMMUNITY CLUB IN WINNIPEG........FINALLY GETS A GRAMMY 47 YEARS LATER

FEBRUARY IS "LIBRARY LOVERS MONTH"...........LOVING IS OK IN A LIBRARY..........YOU CAN ALWAYS CHECK THE SELF HELP SECTION

NEVER TRY TO DIET AND QUIT SMOKING AT THE SAME TIME..........I TRIED TO LIGHT A BABY CARROT LAST NIGHT

IF CONAN O'BRIEN CAN MAKE 30 WHATEVER MILLION FROM NBC FOR NOT BEING FUNNY............WHY CAN'T I MAKE A BIT MORE MONEY.........I'M NOT FUNNY

THE TORONTO RAPTORS WILL PLAY IN INDIANA TOMORROW WITHOUT INJURED FORWARD HEDO TURKOGLU.......SURE HOPE PIZZA PIZZA AND SPRITE DIDN'T PAY TOO MUCH FOR THE "YES COACH" COMMERCIAL..........WORST EVER

NOW AN EXERCISE TIP: COUCH POTATOS.....FORCE YOURSELF EVERY 15 MINUTES TO STAND UP AND SHUFFLE YOUR FEET..........THEN REWARD YOURSELF WITH A DOZEN WINGS AND A COUPLE BEER.......AS AN ADDED BONUS, WHILE STANDING IT'S EASIER TO SCRATCH

NEW STUDY SAYS HEALTHY ADULTS NEED LESS SLEEP THEN YOUNGER ONES..........GOOD THING, AFTER 50 YOU HAVE PLUMBING ISSUES THROUGH THE NIGHT

GREAT TRADES FOR THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS OVER THE WEEK END.....GOT RID OF UNDER ACHEIVERS BLAKE AND STAJAN, PICKED UP STUD D MAN DION PHANEUF AND GOALIE JS JIGUERE.......LEAF FANS STUNNED......FIRST POSITIVE TRADE SINCE GETTING DOUG GILMOUR 20 YEARS AGO

WEEELLL THATS ALL FOR NOW MY FINE FRIENDS....DON'T WANT TO LAY IT ALL ON YA AT ONCE......FRIEND ME ON FACE BOOK.......AND SOMETIMES I TWEET, (DEPENDING ON WHAT I HAD FOR LUNCH)    BEN_BURNETT ON TWITTER    E-MAIL ME AT: ben.burnett33@yahoo.ca